no matter what i do, i still am a STOOPiiD GiRL.
for four whole months, i've held everything in my heart. i did not expect to see him or to have a chance to talk to him. i did not do anything to bring back the memories, the feelings. i just decided it's time for me to MOVE ON.
but how bad it is. i am still so stupid, just like before. i let again my guards down. i let him to fool me once again.
i should have kept my mouth shut. i should have not been excited. i should have held my discipline right. i should have stopped myself from falling again.
from the moment he asked me how i feel for him, at that moment, my heart leaped, thinking that might be the chance i was waiting for. I SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN STUPID, though.
i shouldn't have thought about me and him going out soon. i should have not thought there might be a possible future for the two of us. i should have not dreamed of that fantasy again. i should have not... i should have been more keen, more wise, more... more of everything.
i told him, of course, that i still love him. can i lie? can i hide my feelings when he confronted me that way? can i resist the temptation of thinking he might love me as well? can i?
of course i can't. i can't resist the sweet torture. i can't resist the opportunity of letting him know, once again, that he is still in my heart. it's like, i want to shout to the whole world how i feel.
but i should have not been that stupid. i should have thought of my actions.
why can't i learn my lessons? why do i still hope? why do i still wait? why do i still take the risks of falling for someone who doesn't really care, who only wants me to fall for him over and over again.
why is he like that? why does he want to stab my heart again and again? why can't he just let me reach my finish line?
it's been four months. FOUR WHOLE MONTHS. i thought i am almost near my finish line. i thought i am almost there.
but i think, i am still stranded, on the same ground where he left me once.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
OWVERRS!
gawd! imagine. we are still at kasagingan and time check, it's 11:10 pm on my watch. and i still have to go home. HELLO! where is the justice! i still have to go home and what time is it now? gosh.
and guess what, apple, tuesdee, and hannah. haha.
well, actually hannah wants to go home now. and i should also. :)
well. let's have some other time :)
BYEEiieee!
and guess what, apple, tuesdee, and hannah. haha.
well, actually hannah wants to go home now. and i should also. :)
well. let's have some other time :)
BYEEiieee!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
SLEEPLESS NiGHTS ON SUMMER
it's still our first week in class and yet it seems like it's been months! *cries*
we've done so many things just for this week. how much more on the following weeks? i can't imagine myself, black lines under my eyes, walking like a zombie, eyes sagging with eyebags. GAWD! sleepless nights on a summer time!
while others soundly sleep during this time of the year, i, on the other hand, am busy working on my requirements, especially in BOTANY! i did not expect this summer class would be as hard as how it is now. *cries*
i just hope to give myself time to sleep, to rest, to relax.
tsk. where else will i find time for my other responsibilities? *cries*
well. GOODLUCK. lol.
we've done so many things just for this week. how much more on the following weeks? i can't imagine myself, black lines under my eyes, walking like a zombie, eyes sagging with eyebags. GAWD! sleepless nights on a summer time!
while others soundly sleep during this time of the year, i, on the other hand, am busy working on my requirements, especially in BOTANY! i did not expect this summer class would be as hard as how it is now. *cries*
i just hope to give myself time to sleep, to rest, to relax.
tsk. where else will i find time for my other responsibilities? *cries*
well. GOODLUCK. lol.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
A Lenten Reflection
HAPPY EASTER FAITHFUL PEOPLE OF GOD!
as i was attending the mass early this morning, i was near to crying upon seeing Mama Mary and Jesus met together, after Jesus' resurrection. i almost forget that feeling, when i feel i am in God's presence. and yes, what i mean here is i have been far from God's loving presence these past few days.
Father Bebot's homily this morning was about rejoicing, just as how Mama Mary was when she met the Risen Lord. Father said that all of us must be able to rejoice and enjoy the salvation we are experiencing. through it, we were once again worthy to be called sons and daughters of God.
but the real question is, are we really that worthy to be called children of God?.
we know ourselves well. we know how far we've gone through this journey of life. we know how wrong we have been in our lives. more so, we know what really is our true relationship with the Lord.
when we are inside the church, we are faithful people of God. but as we go out of such sacred place, are we still faithful? do we still believe that Jesus Christ has risen? do we really have the heart to believe that we are the redeemed people of God?
the gospel today tells us that blessed are those who believe and do the will of the Father.
thus, there is a call for each one of us. a call to respond to the salvific mission of Christ. a call to bring back the favor Jesus has done for us. and yes, what i mean here is that we must be able to live a life worthy to be called as redeemed people of God.
just like Jesus, we must be able to follow the will of the Father, instead of our own. we must be able to return the goodness the Father has shown to us. but i am not saying though that we must also be crucified just as how Jesus was.
bishops and priests all over our country does not recommend us crucifying ourselves. if we are to be crucified, that may mean a good sacrifice offered to the Lord. but the question now will be, will our penance and penitence continue even after this lent season? this question must be inculcated in our hearts and minds because what happens now is that we only do sacrifices only for this lent season. and for the rest of the year, we usually forget the life of being faithful. we neglect God. and we take Him for granted.
is this how we really want to do things?
we must all remember that doing sacrificial works does not only apply during this season of lent, but also during the rest of the year. we must always remember that repentance does not only happen during last the lent season. repentance must be done in everyday. we must recognize that in everyday, we commit mistakes; we commit wrongdoings. thus, we must regret and repent for those.
this lent season is a constant reminder to us that For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
Jesus has come. Jesus died on the cross. and now, He is risen. let us rejoice and be glad just as how Mother Mary felt upon knowing that the salvific mission of Christ was a big success. go and tell the world of God's love and salvation - the Good News.
as i was attending the mass early this morning, i was near to crying upon seeing Mama Mary and Jesus met together, after Jesus' resurrection. i almost forget that feeling, when i feel i am in God's presence. and yes, what i mean here is i have been far from God's loving presence these past few days.
Father Bebot's homily this morning was about rejoicing, just as how Mama Mary was when she met the Risen Lord. Father said that all of us must be able to rejoice and enjoy the salvation we are experiencing. through it, we were once again worthy to be called sons and daughters of God.
but the real question is, are we really that worthy to be called children of God?.
we know ourselves well. we know how far we've gone through this journey of life. we know how wrong we have been in our lives. more so, we know what really is our true relationship with the Lord.
when we are inside the church, we are faithful people of God. but as we go out of such sacred place, are we still faithful? do we still believe that Jesus Christ has risen? do we really have the heart to believe that we are the redeemed people of God?
the gospel today tells us that blessed are those who believe and do the will of the Father.
thus, there is a call for each one of us. a call to respond to the salvific mission of Christ. a call to bring back the favor Jesus has done for us. and yes, what i mean here is that we must be able to live a life worthy to be called as redeemed people of God.
just like Jesus, we must be able to follow the will of the Father, instead of our own. we must be able to return the goodness the Father has shown to us. but i am not saying though that we must also be crucified just as how Jesus was.
bishops and priests all over our country does not recommend us crucifying ourselves. if we are to be crucified, that may mean a good sacrifice offered to the Lord. but the question now will be, will our penance and penitence continue even after this lent season? this question must be inculcated in our hearts and minds because what happens now is that we only do sacrifices only for this lent season. and for the rest of the year, we usually forget the life of being faithful. we neglect God. and we take Him for granted.
is this how we really want to do things?
we must all remember that doing sacrificial works does not only apply during this season of lent, but also during the rest of the year. we must always remember that repentance does not only happen during last the lent season. repentance must be done in everyday. we must recognize that in everyday, we commit mistakes; we commit wrongdoings. thus, we must regret and repent for those.
this lent season is a constant reminder to us that For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
Jesus has come. Jesus died on the cross. and now, He is risen. let us rejoice and be glad just as how Mother Mary felt upon knowing that the salvific mission of Christ was a big success. go and tell the world of God's love and salvation - the Good News.
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