it's so hard to imagine that even after a long time of trying to forget him/her, still you find yourself thinking and wishing more for him/her.
how hard really is it to move on and just get over things?
some people say, getting over is like dying and living again. others say it's like losing a big part of you and trying to stitch inch by inch the hole that lost part has made in your heart. others make it as letting go of the only happiness you heart can find of.
but i say the very different.
moving on is hard and difficult. i may agree to what other say: that it's like losing a big part of you, leaving a big whole in your heart and you try to stitch it, inch by inch, as if you are dying then after, trying to re-live again.
but moving on isnt at all about being in pain, like you are being doomed, like you are having near-to-death-experience.
you may lose a big part of you. but you never lose all yourself at all.
getting over and moving on is like regaining your lost strength, saving once again energy, love and happiness. and more so, preparing more yourself for a bigger battle of love that you are yet to encounter.
pain. sadness. depression. fear. feeling of loss and unbelongingness.
we always think of how doomed we are. but the truth is, we dont really. it's only our own minds telling us of our own weakness, of our own fear. it is only our hypothalamus making us think that it's like the end of the world.
BUT iT'S NOT REALLY.
our minds are just so imaginative that we think the opposite of what we would really want to do.
it's DENiAL. and denial is always a part of moving on as it is our coping mechanism.
anger. hatred. fury. fierce.
oftentimes, we find it hard to move on that sometimes we come to the point where we hate others and we hate ourselves.
but that's just how we cope with our pain.
and i tell you, no one has the right to condemn you of how you repair your heart because they don't really know how much you are hurting.
but still, by the end of all these, we just laugh and laugh of how stupid we once had been -- crying for someone who doesnt really deserve even a single tear. we keep on poking our heads for being such big idiots.
and above all these, we just find ourselves seeking for more -- more of a love far different from the one we once had; looking for more of someone whom we are ready to give all our stored energy and love. and by this time, all we want to do is to love more and more, not thinking anymore of what might be the end of all these.
see? moving on is just like that, saving energy, love and happiness for a more worth-it love we are about to invest into.
so, don't give me that sad face. go to the world and show that you are a strong sperm your dad has given to your mom.
MOVE ON. MOVE FORWARD. a more worth loving person is waiting for you just right at the end of this tunnel. would you want to show him/her that ugly look? naah! you might just miss him/her. so MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BEAUTiFUL.
cummon, get up! don't make his/her waiting too long. he/she might get bored.
stand up. and go! <*i just push you on your back*>
Friday, January 29, 2010
when i ended up with one: HEARTACHE :(
even after i decided to move on, i'm still trying to do my very best to hold back my feelings, to forget and to feel nothing at all. even now, during the depth of the night, his face and his scent linger in my memory. he is still with me. his memories are still bugging and haunting me.
days go on normally but i cant go any further with my normal self. i'm still deeply hurt and i still am bleeding. i still long for him, still look for him in every corner. i still think of him and imagine doing things i could probably have done with him. he's still with me. his memories still linger on.
how can this be so hard for me to move on, and so easy for him to take me for granted? how can this be so difficult for me to wake up every morning, trying not to think of him the moment i open my eyes? how can i still feel this way even after saying goodbye? how can i still have hopes when everything else has ended? and how can i still love him even after all the tears i've cried?
damn it! so unfair! so imbalance!
i am left here hanging, still hoping for something that's far from possibility. i am still here, still stranded, waiting for the bus that will never give me a ride. i am still here wishing that he could be mine when i know he couldnt really be.
how pathetic! how foolish!
hopeless romantic. pathetic dreamer.
i hope to give my heart an ease. i hope to make it breathe. i hope to make it happy. i wish it has not loved you deeply.
i wonder if you think of me. i wonder if you remember. i wonder if you know how much i've cried for you, to ease the pain, to let it go.
i want to move on, but i'm still stranded. i want to laugh, but tears roll down. i want to dream being with you, but fear and pain hold me back.
fear. depression. regrets. happiness. sadness. anticipation. pain. excitement. cowardice. confidence. all mixed up but i ended up with one: HEARTACHE.
days go on normally but i cant go any further with my normal self. i'm still deeply hurt and i still am bleeding. i still long for him, still look for him in every corner. i still think of him and imagine doing things i could probably have done with him. he's still with me. his memories still linger on.
how can this be so hard for me to move on, and so easy for him to take me for granted? how can this be so difficult for me to wake up every morning, trying not to think of him the moment i open my eyes? how can i still feel this way even after saying goodbye? how can i still have hopes when everything else has ended? and how can i still love him even after all the tears i've cried?
damn it! so unfair! so imbalance!
i am left here hanging, still hoping for something that's far from possibility. i am still here, still stranded, waiting for the bus that will never give me a ride. i am still here wishing that he could be mine when i know he couldnt really be.
how pathetic! how foolish!
hopeless romantic. pathetic dreamer.
i hope to give my heart an ease. i hope to make it breathe. i hope to make it happy. i wish it has not loved you deeply.
i wonder if you think of me. i wonder if you remember. i wonder if you know how much i've cried for you, to ease the pain, to let it go.
i want to move on, but i'm still stranded. i want to laugh, but tears roll down. i want to dream being with you, but fear and pain hold me back.
fear. depression. regrets. happiness. sadness. anticipation. pain. excitement. cowardice. confidence. all mixed up but i ended up with one: HEARTACHE.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
and it really ended there
now, life at MSL-2B is once again back to normal: laughing without being conscious; calling everyone else by their names; shouting without thinking who might get irritated to you; chit-chatting with everyone else; hugging and kissing everyone; and feeling so free, so light, so warm.
that is all because, everyone else finds forgiveness in each one's heart. everybody is in love with everybody else. :)
friendship is restored and it's time to celebrate. now, now more hatred, no more anger, no more hard feelings.
HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. it's good to have your lost friends back. :D
that is all because, everyone else finds forgiveness in each one's heart. everybody is in love with everybody else. :)
friendship is restored and it's time to celebrate. now, now more hatred, no more anger, no more hard feelings.
HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. it's good to have your lost friends back. :D
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
year-end unforgettable moments with SRYCO
it's our last term this year. honestly, i was not able to do my best with sryco, especially during our fiesta celebration. but hopefully, before we finally leave our offices, we've done something fun and responsible this time. so, here are what we did last december 09.
CHRiSTMAS CAROLLiNG AT 69th iNFANTRY BATALLiON.
earlier this day, at around 1 pm, Kuya Joji, Rowena and i went to the detachment area of the 69th IB of AFP. Auntie Ayene suggested that we do christmas carolling to that place. well, just trying our luck. wait! the three of us were not carolling by that time! LOL. we just gave first our letter, asking for their permission regarding the Christmas carolling.
it was my very first time to be on that area. it's a bit steep. but when you reach the top, it's windy, full of trees, peaceful and so amazing! the sun's heat was scorching at that time and yet by the time we reach the top, the blows of the cold wind welcomed us and cooled our senses! see? if you have only been there you would have wished you live there. :D
enough for the wonders of the scene. we gave our letter. had little chit-chat with lt. santiago -- and he told me he graduated from UiC! ooh! just look how small the world is. the other guy also, i forgot his name, was a graduate of uic! so, i had pink-blooded brothers in the AFP. :D lt. santiago is such a nice person. he's the one who entertained us well. if you only knew how talkative he is! XD by the very end, we were allowed to have christmas carolling by 6pm.
the three of us then proceeded with our tasks -- kuya joji with the grocery and rowena and i with the prizes.
around 4:45pm, i already reached coog. i was so tired but a bit excited for the evening's christmas carolling. but how bad the timing is! we have just arrived from downtown and yet everyone was asking me where were the other youth when in fact i'd already instructed maybelyn capino to gather the youth, recruit for this evening's activity and if possible, have practice. but she never did her job well. i was so pissed off with her. Auntie Ayene already got mad. there was no youth around except us. worst was, they did not believe me when i say lt. santiago told me to be in their area by 6pm. she's always saying Auntie Ayene was telling her that we could no longer be allowed to enter the detachment area. blah. blah. blah. duh! as if there have been there for them not to believe me. i myself told Auntie Ayene that it's not 5pm that we were to go, but 6pm! with that, things were resolved. Maybelyn and the group went ahead. i was left, with the boys and Roselyn. good thing i was able to find boys and was able to ask them to accompany us. when we reached there, Maybelyn and the rest of the first group did their little practice.
it's good to be back up there. XD the military people welcomed us warmly. we did our parts very well. we sang christmas songs -- Filipino and Bisaya. we were even able to have a little chit chat with Col. de Mesa, the head of 69th IB. :D what an experience!
after singing, the group prepared food for us. Maybelyn was asked to sing. then later on, some of us danced and danced and had fun!
blah. blah with col. de Mesa and lt. santiago. after giving us the envelope of money (as if it's that big amount. but still, it's big enough for us), we all went home. and we ran! LOL. it was raining! :D
i hope to visit again their camp! swear, you would really want to stay there all your life if you have only seen the beauty of the place. :D
NEW YEAR'S PARTY && BEACH PARTY with SRYCO.
after having gone home from the 69th IB camp, i rested for a while. had talk with roselyn and rowena then went home and prepared for the mass. only ate janice and i went to attend the mass. the rest of my very good family stayed at home.
i was not able to sleep. i was so worried for the next day's activity. of course, it would be another long day for us. and if i would not sleep, that may also mean death. HAHA.
by 12 midnight, we were so noisy! as iin. i sang and sang and greeted everyone a happy new year! haha. that made me perspired a lot! :D
after that fun, i proceeded with my task - cutting letters for the back draft for the beach party. and since i was so damn tired, i took just a little nap to recharge.
and guess what?
i woke up by 4.35, to be exact! HAHA. good thing i was able to wake up! well, no one can blame me. pagod kea ako!
so it's january1. and all of us officers were so busy preparing for the beach party. phew!
it's almost 5 in the morning. and where were the other youth members? ??? don't have any idea. some still had their party out there. some were sleeping. and some, hah! they got lost somewhere else.
by 6am, the service from 69th IB did not come. well, they were so chuli. haha.
and it's almost 7am that we left our place. see how slowpoke the youths are? the assembly time is 5am and yet most of them came around 6am! SLOWPOKE X(
by the time we reached mervillas, there were only less people. most of us were so glad seeing less number of people there. hah! but just how funny it was! all the cottages were already booked and reserved! HAHA. soow unlucky for us! we reached there with nothing for us!
good thing there was still another resort with available cottages. so we went there. too bad we have to pay the entrance fee. and it was so unexpected. i myself did not expect it that to the point i did not bring any penny with me. LOL.
some complained. blah. blah. as if all of us expected this. and what? they wanted the org to shoulder all the expenses? hah! saan sila makakahanap ng outing na free na sasakyan, pati pa food and cottage tapos 35 pesos (+10 for the additional collection) lang ang babayaran nila? sineswerte din ang mga yun aa! as if naman madali lang pabayarin. sus! kelangan pa pilitin ng bonggang bongga!
and we settled peacefully. :D
by 9:30 we started our games. and as expected, some were so KJ. duh! di man lang marunong magparticipate. sila na nga binibigyan ng katuwaan, ayaw pa mag-participate! sus! kasarap talaga sapakin! and they even complained that the soundsystem we brought couldnt play audio cd! duh! as if i did not announce it earlier. but did they listen? NO, THEY DiD NOT! so, what i did? nag-announce baya ku ganiha bag-o ta nanghawa na dili na makaplay ug cd. ayaw mu pagreklamo dira kay in the first place wala jud baya mu naminaw and they shut up! hah! after all, my words were still powerful to make them shut up! =p
we played together. had fun together and we ate together.
i was not able to go swimming. it was soooow hot! it's as if i was being roasted! i slept a bit.
i salute rowena, roselyn, and ate mimi! they were not able to sleep, even a couple of minutes, and yet they were able to stand the whole day! waa. 24 hours of not sleeping! wooh!
and THANKS MUCH to JOJi GUARDAQUiBEL for being strong to stand almost 24 hours just for the preparation and for his strengths and efforst just to make this beach party a success. without kuya joji, that would mean slight death for my part. HAHA. but seriously, a BiG thanks for everything. :D
by 5pm, we got ourselves home. and during our travel, we had sooow much fun. laughing here and there. :))
i then slept and with that, my january1 experience was culminated (with myself asleep without taking a bath. LOL).
i hope before we leave our offices, we were able to give fun to our fellow youth. :D
CHRiSTMAS CAROLLiNG AT 69th iNFANTRY BATALLiON.
earlier this day, at around 1 pm, Kuya Joji, Rowena and i went to the detachment area of the 69th IB of AFP. Auntie Ayene suggested that we do christmas carolling to that place. well, just trying our luck. wait! the three of us were not carolling by that time! LOL. we just gave first our letter, asking for their permission regarding the Christmas carolling.
it was my very first time to be on that area. it's a bit steep. but when you reach the top, it's windy, full of trees, peaceful and so amazing! the sun's heat was scorching at that time and yet by the time we reach the top, the blows of the cold wind welcomed us and cooled our senses! see? if you have only been there you would have wished you live there. :D
enough for the wonders of the scene. we gave our letter. had little chit-chat with lt. santiago -- and he told me he graduated from UiC! ooh! just look how small the world is. the other guy also, i forgot his name, was a graduate of uic! so, i had pink-blooded brothers in the AFP. :D lt. santiago is such a nice person. he's the one who entertained us well. if you only knew how talkative he is! XD by the very end, we were allowed to have christmas carolling by 6pm.
the three of us then proceeded with our tasks -- kuya joji with the grocery and rowena and i with the prizes.
around 4:45pm, i already reached coog. i was so tired but a bit excited for the evening's christmas carolling. but how bad the timing is! we have just arrived from downtown and yet everyone was asking me where were the other youth when in fact i'd already instructed maybelyn capino to gather the youth, recruit for this evening's activity and if possible, have practice. but she never did her job well. i was so pissed off with her. Auntie Ayene already got mad. there was no youth around except us. worst was, they did not believe me when i say lt. santiago told me to be in their area by 6pm. she's always saying Auntie Ayene was telling her that we could no longer be allowed to enter the detachment area. blah. blah. blah. duh! as if there have been there for them not to believe me. i myself told Auntie Ayene that it's not 5pm that we were to go, but 6pm! with that, things were resolved. Maybelyn and the group went ahead. i was left, with the boys and Roselyn. good thing i was able to find boys and was able to ask them to accompany us. when we reached there, Maybelyn and the rest of the first group did their little practice.
it's good to be back up there. XD the military people welcomed us warmly. we did our parts very well. we sang christmas songs -- Filipino and Bisaya. we were even able to have a little chit chat with Col. de Mesa, the head of 69th IB. :D what an experience!
after singing, the group prepared food for us. Maybelyn was asked to sing. then later on, some of us danced and danced and had fun!
blah. blah with col. de Mesa and lt. santiago. after giving us the envelope of money (as if it's that big amount. but still, it's big enough for us), we all went home. and we ran! LOL. it was raining! :D
i hope to visit again their camp! swear, you would really want to stay there all your life if you have only seen the beauty of the place. :D
NEW YEAR'S PARTY && BEACH PARTY with SRYCO.
after having gone home from the 69th IB camp, i rested for a while. had talk with roselyn and rowena then went home and prepared for the mass. only ate janice and i went to attend the mass. the rest of my very good family stayed at home.
i was not able to sleep. i was so worried for the next day's activity. of course, it would be another long day for us. and if i would not sleep, that may also mean death. HAHA.
by 12 midnight, we were so noisy! as iin. i sang and sang and greeted everyone a happy new year! haha. that made me perspired a lot! :D
after that fun, i proceeded with my task - cutting letters for the back draft for the beach party. and since i was so damn tired, i took just a little nap to recharge.
and guess what?
i woke up by 4.35, to be exact! HAHA. good thing i was able to wake up! well, no one can blame me. pagod kea ako!
so it's january1. and all of us officers were so busy preparing for the beach party. phew!
it's almost 5 in the morning. and where were the other youth members? ??? don't have any idea. some still had their party out there. some were sleeping. and some, hah! they got lost somewhere else.
by 6am, the service from 69th IB did not come. well, they were so chuli. haha.
and it's almost 7am that we left our place. see how slowpoke the youths are? the assembly time is 5am and yet most of them came around 6am! SLOWPOKE X(
by the time we reached mervillas, there were only less people. most of us were so glad seeing less number of people there. hah! but just how funny it was! all the cottages were already booked and reserved! HAHA. soow unlucky for us! we reached there with nothing for us!
good thing there was still another resort with available cottages. so we went there. too bad we have to pay the entrance fee. and it was so unexpected. i myself did not expect it that to the point i did not bring any penny with me. LOL.
some complained. blah. blah. as if all of us expected this. and what? they wanted the org to shoulder all the expenses? hah! saan sila makakahanap ng outing na free na sasakyan, pati pa food and cottage tapos 35 pesos (+10 for the additional collection) lang ang babayaran nila? sineswerte din ang mga yun aa! as if naman madali lang pabayarin. sus! kelangan pa pilitin ng bonggang bongga!
and we settled peacefully. :D
by 9:30 we started our games. and as expected, some were so KJ. duh! di man lang marunong magparticipate. sila na nga binibigyan ng katuwaan, ayaw pa mag-participate! sus! kasarap talaga sapakin! and they even complained that the soundsystem we brought couldnt play audio cd! duh! as if i did not announce it earlier. but did they listen? NO, THEY DiD NOT! so, what i did? nag-announce baya ku ganiha bag-o ta nanghawa na dili na makaplay ug cd. ayaw mu pagreklamo dira kay in the first place wala jud baya mu naminaw and they shut up! hah! after all, my words were still powerful to make them shut up! =p
we played together. had fun together and we ate together.
i was not able to go swimming. it was soooow hot! it's as if i was being roasted! i slept a bit.
i salute rowena, roselyn, and ate mimi! they were not able to sleep, even a couple of minutes, and yet they were able to stand the whole day! waa. 24 hours of not sleeping! wooh!
and THANKS MUCH to JOJi GUARDAQUiBEL for being strong to stand almost 24 hours just for the preparation and for his strengths and efforst just to make this beach party a success. without kuya joji, that would mean slight death for my part. HAHA. but seriously, a BiG thanks for everything. :D
by 5pm, we got ourselves home. and during our travel, we had sooow much fun. laughing here and there. :))
i then slept and with that, my january1 experience was culminated (with myself asleep without taking a bath. LOL).
i hope before we leave our offices, we were able to give fun to our fellow youth. :D
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