it's been a while since i last posted here. pwew. and im just laughing now for all that have been posted here. HAHA. can't help it. i look so pathetic and ALL! waa.
well, anyway. i have something new. well, it's not actually new.. but just and UPDATE.
so, things are getting between me and ED, my BESSY. and yes, im true to it that he's my bessy. gaaa. just believe it! :)
communications line are once again open. i think our closeness is coming back. and im happy. so happy to know that we've been doing great as goody old friends! :)
how's my heart? aw. nothing in particular. haha. kidding.
ooh well, i have something new. well, actually, im not really sure of what my heart is feeling now. it's like nothing.. oh! here he comes.. and my heart beats irregularly. nyahaha. just an exaggeration. but, i think i have something new for my heart.
so, let me introduce him.
oh! he's just an annoying, tall, super thin, intelligent guy who has all the sense of humor of the world. :)
oh yes. he's been my classmate since first year. and i've known him for two years now. i've heard a lot of stories about him. i know he's the kind of guy who loves to see girls crying. HAHA.
oh yes! he is mr. RABBI FRANCISCO. well. actually, it's just nothing. im just overwhelmed of our CLOSENESS. take note... just CLOSENESS. NOTHING in PARTICULAR, like what i have said. :)
so, you get now? i don't really feel something for him. just.. oh! nothing. haha.
updates will just be posted soon. as for now... BYEEEEEEiiiEEE! :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
STUPID, AGAiN and AGAiN.
so, it's another chapter of being the most stoopiid person the world has ever known. i really didnt know how things were, until i figure it out tonight.
just last february or march, HE had this girlfriend. and i didnt know about it. of course, how would i know. we have not talked to nor seen each other since december. and last april, he had the guts of asking me how i feel for him? he had the confidence of asking me that even though he had other commitment?
i really cant believe he made me so stupid, for all this time.
my point here is, he shouldnt have asked me that way if he doesnt have proper closure with that effin bitch. i mean, have i only been his option because he's over with that bitch? have i only been his avid admirer?
i dont really know how to put into proper words all that's in my mind. im so confused. so hurt. so mad. so angry.
all i wanna do is hit him so hard for making me so stupid!
just last february or march, HE had this girlfriend. and i didnt know about it. of course, how would i know. we have not talked to nor seen each other since december. and last april, he had the guts of asking me how i feel for him? he had the confidence of asking me that even though he had other commitment?
i really cant believe he made me so stupid, for all this time.
my point here is, he shouldnt have asked me that way if he doesnt have proper closure with that effin bitch. i mean, have i only been his option because he's over with that bitch? have i only been his avid admirer?
i dont really know how to put into proper words all that's in my mind. im so confused. so hurt. so mad. so angry.
all i wanna do is hit him so hard for making me so stupid!
THE LONG WAiT iS FiNALLY OVER
it's almost five months that we haven't seen each other. it was last December 24, 2009, the last morning of misa de gallo, that i last saw him. there were times before that i longed to see him. but i ask God to let me see him whe it was the right time for me, the time when i would be ready to face him, after everything. sometime before, i waited for him. but it seemed that desitny didnt permit me to see him. then one day, last April 30, 2010, i was supposed to go home with him. it was hard for me to decide if i should really see him or not. i waited for 5pm to come, of course; i might change my mind and decide to see him. it was almost 5:30 that i reached the terminal. and, just as how destiny works for us, we were not able to see each other. i did not bother to text him to wait for me or what. i went with the flow. and God really thought i was not yet ready that time. well, actually, on my way to the terminal, my heart was not at ease. it beat so fast. well, those times ended though.
just tonight, my elementary classmates invited us to have a simple gathering. just to see one other, have a little talk and fun. i was wondering if he would come. i was kinda hesitant though. but, on my way to Eddin's house, i was not really thinking of what might be my "meeting" with him. as in, normal. no worries at all. i dont know why. i was not even thinking if this really is the right time for me to see him. i just went there myself. period.
and yes, the time went on smoothly. i was not bothered by his presence. although there was an urge from me to hug him tight and say "hey! i miss you!" (that was during the spin-the-bottle time).
after going home, still nothing. although i was kinda confused. but, 95% of me says i might really be ready to get over him. and i think i am now.
well, GOOD LUCK to me and to my HEAR. :D
i hope to find peace and harmony for my heart on the coming days :)
just tonight, my elementary classmates invited us to have a simple gathering. just to see one other, have a little talk and fun. i was wondering if he would come. i was kinda hesitant though. but, on my way to Eddin's house, i was not really thinking of what might be my "meeting" with him. as in, normal. no worries at all. i dont know why. i was not even thinking if this really is the right time for me to see him. i just went there myself. period.
and yes, the time went on smoothly. i was not bothered by his presence. although there was an urge from me to hug him tight and say "hey! i miss you!" (that was during the spin-the-bottle time).
after going home, still nothing. although i was kinda confused. but, 95% of me says i might really be ready to get over him. and i think i am now.
well, GOOD LUCK to me and to my HEAR. :D
i hope to find peace and harmony for my heart on the coming days :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
STUPIDITY AGAIN
no matter what i do, i still am a STOOPiiD GiRL.
for four whole months, i've held everything in my heart. i did not expect to see him or to have a chance to talk to him. i did not do anything to bring back the memories, the feelings. i just decided it's time for me to MOVE ON.
but how bad it is. i am still so stupid, just like before. i let again my guards down. i let him to fool me once again.
i should have kept my mouth shut. i should have not been excited. i should have held my discipline right. i should have stopped myself from falling again.
from the moment he asked me how i feel for him, at that moment, my heart leaped, thinking that might be the chance i was waiting for. I SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN STUPID, though.
i shouldn't have thought about me and him going out soon. i should have not thought there might be a possible future for the two of us. i should have not dreamed of that fantasy again. i should have not... i should have been more keen, more wise, more... more of everything.
i told him, of course, that i still love him. can i lie? can i hide my feelings when he confronted me that way? can i resist the temptation of thinking he might love me as well? can i?
of course i can't. i can't resist the sweet torture. i can't resist the opportunity of letting him know, once again, that he is still in my heart. it's like, i want to shout to the whole world how i feel.
but i should have not been that stupid. i should have thought of my actions.
why can't i learn my lessons? why do i still hope? why do i still wait? why do i still take the risks of falling for someone who doesn't really care, who only wants me to fall for him over and over again.
why is he like that? why does he want to stab my heart again and again? why can't he just let me reach my finish line?
it's been four months. FOUR WHOLE MONTHS. i thought i am almost near my finish line. i thought i am almost there.
but i think, i am still stranded, on the same ground where he left me once.
for four whole months, i've held everything in my heart. i did not expect to see him or to have a chance to talk to him. i did not do anything to bring back the memories, the feelings. i just decided it's time for me to MOVE ON.
but how bad it is. i am still so stupid, just like before. i let again my guards down. i let him to fool me once again.
i should have kept my mouth shut. i should have not been excited. i should have held my discipline right. i should have stopped myself from falling again.
from the moment he asked me how i feel for him, at that moment, my heart leaped, thinking that might be the chance i was waiting for. I SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN STUPID, though.
i shouldn't have thought about me and him going out soon. i should have not thought there might be a possible future for the two of us. i should have not dreamed of that fantasy again. i should have not... i should have been more keen, more wise, more... more of everything.
i told him, of course, that i still love him. can i lie? can i hide my feelings when he confronted me that way? can i resist the temptation of thinking he might love me as well? can i?
of course i can't. i can't resist the sweet torture. i can't resist the opportunity of letting him know, once again, that he is still in my heart. it's like, i want to shout to the whole world how i feel.
but i should have not been that stupid. i should have thought of my actions.
why can't i learn my lessons? why do i still hope? why do i still wait? why do i still take the risks of falling for someone who doesn't really care, who only wants me to fall for him over and over again.
why is he like that? why does he want to stab my heart again and again? why can't he just let me reach my finish line?
it's been four months. FOUR WHOLE MONTHS. i thought i am almost near my finish line. i thought i am almost there.
but i think, i am still stranded, on the same ground where he left me once.
Monday, April 19, 2010
OWVERRS!
gawd! imagine. we are still at kasagingan and time check, it's 11:10 pm on my watch. and i still have to go home. HELLO! where is the justice! i still have to go home and what time is it now? gosh.
and guess what, apple, tuesdee, and hannah. haha.
well, actually hannah wants to go home now. and i should also. :)
well. let's have some other time :)
BYEEiieee!
and guess what, apple, tuesdee, and hannah. haha.
well, actually hannah wants to go home now. and i should also. :)
well. let's have some other time :)
BYEEiieee!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
SLEEPLESS NiGHTS ON SUMMER
it's still our first week in class and yet it seems like it's been months! *cries*
we've done so many things just for this week. how much more on the following weeks? i can't imagine myself, black lines under my eyes, walking like a zombie, eyes sagging with eyebags. GAWD! sleepless nights on a summer time!
while others soundly sleep during this time of the year, i, on the other hand, am busy working on my requirements, especially in BOTANY! i did not expect this summer class would be as hard as how it is now. *cries*
i just hope to give myself time to sleep, to rest, to relax.
tsk. where else will i find time for my other responsibilities? *cries*
well. GOODLUCK. lol.
we've done so many things just for this week. how much more on the following weeks? i can't imagine myself, black lines under my eyes, walking like a zombie, eyes sagging with eyebags. GAWD! sleepless nights on a summer time!
while others soundly sleep during this time of the year, i, on the other hand, am busy working on my requirements, especially in BOTANY! i did not expect this summer class would be as hard as how it is now. *cries*
i just hope to give myself time to sleep, to rest, to relax.
tsk. where else will i find time for my other responsibilities? *cries*
well. GOODLUCK. lol.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
A Lenten Reflection
HAPPY EASTER FAITHFUL PEOPLE OF GOD!
as i was attending the mass early this morning, i was near to crying upon seeing Mama Mary and Jesus met together, after Jesus' resurrection. i almost forget that feeling, when i feel i am in God's presence. and yes, what i mean here is i have been far from God's loving presence these past few days.
Father Bebot's homily this morning was about rejoicing, just as how Mama Mary was when she met the Risen Lord. Father said that all of us must be able to rejoice and enjoy the salvation we are experiencing. through it, we were once again worthy to be called sons and daughters of God.
but the real question is, are we really that worthy to be called children of God?.
we know ourselves well. we know how far we've gone through this journey of life. we know how wrong we have been in our lives. more so, we know what really is our true relationship with the Lord.
when we are inside the church, we are faithful people of God. but as we go out of such sacred place, are we still faithful? do we still believe that Jesus Christ has risen? do we really have the heart to believe that we are the redeemed people of God?
the gospel today tells us that blessed are those who believe and do the will of the Father.
thus, there is a call for each one of us. a call to respond to the salvific mission of Christ. a call to bring back the favor Jesus has done for us. and yes, what i mean here is that we must be able to live a life worthy to be called as redeemed people of God.
just like Jesus, we must be able to follow the will of the Father, instead of our own. we must be able to return the goodness the Father has shown to us. but i am not saying though that we must also be crucified just as how Jesus was.
bishops and priests all over our country does not recommend us crucifying ourselves. if we are to be crucified, that may mean a good sacrifice offered to the Lord. but the question now will be, will our penance and penitence continue even after this lent season? this question must be inculcated in our hearts and minds because what happens now is that we only do sacrifices only for this lent season. and for the rest of the year, we usually forget the life of being faithful. we neglect God. and we take Him for granted.
is this how we really want to do things?
we must all remember that doing sacrificial works does not only apply during this season of lent, but also during the rest of the year. we must always remember that repentance does not only happen during last the lent season. repentance must be done in everyday. we must recognize that in everyday, we commit mistakes; we commit wrongdoings. thus, we must regret and repent for those.
this lent season is a constant reminder to us that For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
Jesus has come. Jesus died on the cross. and now, He is risen. let us rejoice and be glad just as how Mother Mary felt upon knowing that the salvific mission of Christ was a big success. go and tell the world of God's love and salvation - the Good News.
as i was attending the mass early this morning, i was near to crying upon seeing Mama Mary and Jesus met together, after Jesus' resurrection. i almost forget that feeling, when i feel i am in God's presence. and yes, what i mean here is i have been far from God's loving presence these past few days.
Father Bebot's homily this morning was about rejoicing, just as how Mama Mary was when she met the Risen Lord. Father said that all of us must be able to rejoice and enjoy the salvation we are experiencing. through it, we were once again worthy to be called sons and daughters of God.
but the real question is, are we really that worthy to be called children of God?.
we know ourselves well. we know how far we've gone through this journey of life. we know how wrong we have been in our lives. more so, we know what really is our true relationship with the Lord.
when we are inside the church, we are faithful people of God. but as we go out of such sacred place, are we still faithful? do we still believe that Jesus Christ has risen? do we really have the heart to believe that we are the redeemed people of God?
the gospel today tells us that blessed are those who believe and do the will of the Father.
thus, there is a call for each one of us. a call to respond to the salvific mission of Christ. a call to bring back the favor Jesus has done for us. and yes, what i mean here is that we must be able to live a life worthy to be called as redeemed people of God.
just like Jesus, we must be able to follow the will of the Father, instead of our own. we must be able to return the goodness the Father has shown to us. but i am not saying though that we must also be crucified just as how Jesus was.
bishops and priests all over our country does not recommend us crucifying ourselves. if we are to be crucified, that may mean a good sacrifice offered to the Lord. but the question now will be, will our penance and penitence continue even after this lent season? this question must be inculcated in our hearts and minds because what happens now is that we only do sacrifices only for this lent season. and for the rest of the year, we usually forget the life of being faithful. we neglect God. and we take Him for granted.
is this how we really want to do things?
we must all remember that doing sacrificial works does not only apply during this season of lent, but also during the rest of the year. we must always remember that repentance does not only happen during last the lent season. repentance must be done in everyday. we must recognize that in everyday, we commit mistakes; we commit wrongdoings. thus, we must regret and repent for those.
this lent season is a constant reminder to us that For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
Jesus has come. Jesus died on the cross. and now, He is risen. let us rejoice and be glad just as how Mother Mary felt upon knowing that the salvific mission of Christ was a big success. go and tell the world of God's love and salvation - the Good News.
Friday, March 19, 2010
school year ending entry.
right at this very moment, my second year life of being an MLS student has ended and im about to take another step as i reach for my dreams. [insert: habang may buhay song]
so, it's been two years that i have been in this field; and yes, i've experienced looaads of things, with my classmates, my friends, newly-found friends, and even the ordinary passers-by at the corridors of fourth floor, main campus building at fr. selga.
before i enter our third year - where i will experience the real drama of how it's like to be an MLS student, where sleepless nights will almost be, um. what? every night? where i have to meet reports, lab works, responsibilities, without leaving behind my social needs. and the most? where i will experience how it's like to be in hell. before all that come, lemme thank the following people whom i had a great time with this school year:
Avon - of course, who would have forget everything that we have gone through from June up until now? who would have forget those laughing moments, talking-behind-their-backs, gossiping of what's in and what's not and ETC. so loads of things to mention. i couldn't even sum all of it here. *endless hugs*
Hannah - the long lost friend who wander somewhere else, yet still finds her way to us. :) im glad that the bonding we used to have still remains. :)
Apple, Kimberly, Bembie, Tuesdee, Princess, Mario, Rigil - it's a tough year for all of us, aiyt? still, after everything, despite everything, we still find one another's company worht keeping.
Aprily, Anna, Eunice, Agnes, Abegail, Paul, Ate Gladys, Christylene, Carla - i'm glad to tell the whole world that we have been good friends and classmates for a year. there may be times we don't understand one another, yet, we still keep the friendship in us. i'm glad we were able to share happy moments.
to my dear loving teachers: ms.callano, sir badong, ms.aoanan, ms.emia and sir asis - there may be times that i argued with you, or times that i had been so naughty, so noisy, so everything. but still, i will always treasure you for all that you taught me, for all the memories that we shared.
for everyone i have met this school year [including you COLORFUL guy] and all the friends, schoolmates, classmates not mentioned, andEVERYBODY - another year has been added to our studies. hope that we continue to journey together as we face harder and tougher trials of our student life. our journey doesnt end here. MORE are yet to come.
byeeeeeiiiieeeee. :)
so, it's been two years that i have been in this field; and yes, i've experienced looaads of things, with my classmates, my friends, newly-found friends, and even the ordinary passers-by at the corridors of fourth floor, main campus building at fr. selga.
before i enter our third year - where i will experience the real drama of how it's like to be an MLS student, where sleepless nights will almost be, um. what? every night? where i have to meet reports, lab works, responsibilities, without leaving behind my social needs. and the most? where i will experience how it's like to be in hell. before all that come, lemme thank the following people whom i had a great time with this school year:
Avon - of course, who would have forget everything that we have gone through from June up until now? who would have forget those laughing moments, talking-behind-their-backs, gossiping of what's in and what's not and ETC. so loads of things to mention. i couldn't even sum all of it here. *endless hugs*
Hannah - the long lost friend who wander somewhere else, yet still finds her way to us. :) im glad that the bonding we used to have still remains. :)
Apple, Kimberly, Bembie, Tuesdee, Princess, Mario, Rigil - it's a tough year for all of us, aiyt? still, after everything, despite everything, we still find one another's company worht keeping.
Aprily, Anna, Eunice, Agnes, Abegail, Paul, Ate Gladys, Christylene, Carla - i'm glad to tell the whole world that we have been good friends and classmates for a year. there may be times we don't understand one another, yet, we still keep the friendship in us. i'm glad we were able to share happy moments.
to my dear loving teachers: ms.callano, sir badong, ms.aoanan, ms.emia and sir asis - there may be times that i argued with you, or times that i had been so naughty, so noisy, so everything. but still, i will always treasure you for all that you taught me, for all the memories that we shared.
for everyone i have met this school year [including you COLORFUL guy] and all the friends, schoolmates, classmates not mentioned, and
byeeeeeiiiieeeee. :)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
AFTERSHOCK
i've been through many things these past few weeks -- confusion, heartaches, envy, insecurity, friendship, studies and time management.
i wasn't even able to post for valentine entry due to hectic schedule and super late time to go online.
anyway, these days we are so BUSY. just this day, we had the culmination for our P.E day. whole day for the sports event -- under the the scorching heat of the sun. later this evening we had disco and EVERYBODY did go WiLD! i, myself, lost my control -- though i wore shoes with 3-inch heels! LOL. now, we're at rigil's place, busy doing our miniature community project, busy for tomorrow's activity, busy for EVERYTHiNG! :D
haiiitx. now, i finally feel how's it's like to be an MLS-2B STUDENT. lol. the past months, hah! we're not at all students. we just go to school for... um... attendance? lol. no challenge at all, really. that's why i've been so LAZY this second semester.
and what do we got now? hah! LOOOOADS of projects and assignments due this MONDAY! and we have to be early tomorrow for our COMMUNiTY REACH-OUT! we have to be at school at 7:30 am! and what time now? time check -- 1:01 am. GAWD!
WE ALL NEED SLEEP! i wonder how i can survive for tomorrow. *teary eyes*
*yawn*
haiitx. got to go now. still have to do some powerpoint presentation needed for tomorrow. have to start NOW. lol.
BYEEEiiiEEE. ♥
i wasn't even able to post for valentine entry due to hectic schedule and super late time to go online.
anyway, these days we are so BUSY. just this day, we had the culmination for our P.E day. whole day for the sports event -- under the the scorching heat of the sun. later this evening we had disco and EVERYBODY did go WiLD! i, myself, lost my control -- though i wore shoes with 3-inch heels! LOL. now, we're at rigil's place, busy doing our miniature community project, busy for tomorrow's activity, busy for EVERYTHiNG! :D
haiiitx. now, i finally feel how's it's like to be an MLS-2B STUDENT. lol. the past months, hah! we're not at all students. we just go to school for... um... attendance? lol. no challenge at all, really. that's why i've been so LAZY this second semester.
and what do we got now? hah! LOOOOADS of projects and assignments due this MONDAY! and we have to be early tomorrow for our COMMUNiTY REACH-OUT! we have to be at school at 7:30 am! and what time now? time check -- 1:01 am. GAWD!
WE ALL NEED SLEEP! i wonder how i can survive for tomorrow. *teary eyes*
*yawn*
haiitx. got to go now. still have to do some powerpoint presentation needed for tomorrow. have to start NOW. lol.
BYEEEiiiEEE. ♥
Thursday, February 11, 2010
BIOCHEMISTRY EXAM: just finished it :D
i'm here at ITRZ lab 204. and i just finished taking my exam. we took it online (thru elms). and somehow, i am satisfied with my grade. i mean, i got 88 out of 98 and that gives me 95%. it's just fine. after all, i did not spend my whole thursday night til morning studying. i even have my 7 hours and 30 minutes sleep! see?
i just dont know what will be my grades this midterm.
honestly, i am not doing my best. i mean, i am not doing what is enough! it's too kulang. i always know it. that's why i resolve to do better this finals. i mean, i think it's not yet too late, right?
oh yea. i'm still here at itrz. writing on my bloggie. haha. panakaw lang ng time ito :D.
i'll just post my updates SOON. very soon enough! i've got loads of thoughts to share.
KEEP SAFE.
i just dont know what will be my grades this midterm.
honestly, i am not doing my best. i mean, i am not doing what is enough! it's too kulang. i always know it. that's why i resolve to do better this finals. i mean, i think it's not yet too late, right?
oh yea. i'm still here at itrz. writing on my bloggie. haha. panakaw lang ng time ito :D.
i'll just post my updates SOON. very soon enough! i've got loads of thoughts to share.
KEEP SAFE.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
teardrops on my guitar [lyrics modified]
lyrics from TAYLOR SWiFT's Teardrops on my Guitar. the name is changed, the one with the italycized. instead of DREW, i changed it with ED.
the song is just the right blend for me. this has been my song for ed for almost four years now. whoo! i never thought it's that long already!
so, here it goes...
ED looks at me
i fake a smile so he won't see
that i want and i'm needing
everything that we should be
i bet she's beautiful,
that girl he talks about
and she's got everything
that i have to live without
ED talks to me
i laugh 'cause it's so damn funny
but i cant even see
anyone when he's with me
he says he's so in love
he's finally got it right
i wonder if he knows
he's all i think about at night
he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
ED walks by me
can he tell that i can't breathe?
and there he goes, so perfectly
the kind of flawless i wish i could
she better hold him tight
give him all her love
look in those beautiful eyes
and know she's lucky 'cause...
he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
so i drive home alone
as i turn off the light
i put his picture down
and maybe get some sleep tonight
'cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
he's the time taken up
but there's never enough
and he's all that i need to fall into
ED looks at me
i fake a smile so he won't see
it's been four years now, and yet, the song is as alive as me. LOL.
i guess, for all these years, HE has been the reason for the teardrops on my guitar (as if i have one. LOL)
the song is just the right blend for me. this has been my song for ed for almost four years now. whoo! i never thought it's that long already!
so, here it goes...
ED looks at me
i fake a smile so he won't see
that i want and i'm needing
everything that we should be
i bet she's beautiful,
that girl he talks about
and she's got everything
that i have to live without
ED talks to me
i laugh 'cause it's so damn funny
but i cant even see
anyone when he's with me
he says he's so in love
he's finally got it right
i wonder if he knows
he's all i think about at night
he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
ED walks by me
can he tell that i can't breathe?
and there he goes, so perfectly
the kind of flawless i wish i could
she better hold him tight
give him all her love
look in those beautiful eyes
and know she's lucky 'cause...
he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
so i drive home alone
as i turn off the light
i put his picture down
and maybe get some sleep tonight
'cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
he's the song in the car
i keep singing
don't know why i do
he's the time taken up
but there's never enough
and he's all that i need to fall into
ED looks at me
i fake a smile so he won't see
it's been four years now, and yet, the song is as alive as me. LOL.
i guess, for all these years, HE has been the reason for the teardrops on my guitar (as if i have one. LOL)
Friday, January 29, 2010
MOVE ON -- MOVE FORWARD (special dedication for RIGIL BATISTIL)
it's so hard to imagine that even after a long time of trying to forget him/her, still you find yourself thinking and wishing more for him/her.
how hard really is it to move on and just get over things?
some people say, getting over is like dying and living again. others say it's like losing a big part of you and trying to stitch inch by inch the hole that lost part has made in your heart. others make it as letting go of the only happiness you heart can find of.
but i say the very different.
moving on is hard and difficult. i may agree to what other say: that it's like losing a big part of you, leaving a big whole in your heart and you try to stitch it, inch by inch, as if you are dying then after, trying to re-live again.
but moving on isnt at all about being in pain, like you are being doomed, like you are having near-to-death-experience.
you may lose a big part of you. but you never lose all yourself at all.
getting over and moving on is like regaining your lost strength, saving once again energy, love and happiness. and more so, preparing more yourself for a bigger battle of love that you are yet to encounter.
pain. sadness. depression. fear. feeling of loss and unbelongingness.
we always think of how doomed we are. but the truth is, we dont really. it's only our own minds telling us of our own weakness, of our own fear. it is only our hypothalamus making us think that it's like the end of the world.
BUT iT'S NOT REALLY.
our minds are just so imaginative that we think the opposite of what we would really want to do.
it's DENiAL. and denial is always a part of moving on as it is our coping mechanism.
anger. hatred. fury. fierce.
oftentimes, we find it hard to move on that sometimes we come to the point where we hate others and we hate ourselves.
but that's just how we cope with our pain.
and i tell you, no one has the right to condemn you of how you repair your heart because they don't really know how much you are hurting.
but still, by the end of all these, we just laugh and laugh of how stupid we once had been -- crying for someone who doesnt really deserve even a single tear. we keep on poking our heads for being such big idiots.
and above all these, we just find ourselves seeking for more -- more of a love far different from the one we once had; looking for more of someone whom we are ready to give all our stored energy and love. and by this time, all we want to do is to love more and more, not thinking anymore of what might be the end of all these.
see? moving on is just like that, saving energy, love and happiness for a more worth-it love we are about to invest into.
so, don't give me that sad face. go to the world and show that you are a strong sperm your dad has given to your mom.
MOVE ON. MOVE FORWARD. a more worth loving person is waiting for you just right at the end of this tunnel. would you want to show him/her that ugly look? naah! you might just miss him/her. so MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BEAUTiFUL.
cummon, get up! don't make his/her waiting too long. he/she might get bored.
stand up. and go! <*i just push you on your back*>
how hard really is it to move on and just get over things?
some people say, getting over is like dying and living again. others say it's like losing a big part of you and trying to stitch inch by inch the hole that lost part has made in your heart. others make it as letting go of the only happiness you heart can find of.
but i say the very different.
moving on is hard and difficult. i may agree to what other say: that it's like losing a big part of you, leaving a big whole in your heart and you try to stitch it, inch by inch, as if you are dying then after, trying to re-live again.
but moving on isnt at all about being in pain, like you are being doomed, like you are having near-to-death-experience.
you may lose a big part of you. but you never lose all yourself at all.
getting over and moving on is like regaining your lost strength, saving once again energy, love and happiness. and more so, preparing more yourself for a bigger battle of love that you are yet to encounter.
pain. sadness. depression. fear. feeling of loss and unbelongingness.
we always think of how doomed we are. but the truth is, we dont really. it's only our own minds telling us of our own weakness, of our own fear. it is only our hypothalamus making us think that it's like the end of the world.
BUT iT'S NOT REALLY.
our minds are just so imaginative that we think the opposite of what we would really want to do.
it's DENiAL. and denial is always a part of moving on as it is our coping mechanism.
anger. hatred. fury. fierce.
oftentimes, we find it hard to move on that sometimes we come to the point where we hate others and we hate ourselves.
but that's just how we cope with our pain.
and i tell you, no one has the right to condemn you of how you repair your heart because they don't really know how much you are hurting.
but still, by the end of all these, we just laugh and laugh of how stupid we once had been -- crying for someone who doesnt really deserve even a single tear. we keep on poking our heads for being such big idiots.
and above all these, we just find ourselves seeking for more -- more of a love far different from the one we once had; looking for more of someone whom we are ready to give all our stored energy and love. and by this time, all we want to do is to love more and more, not thinking anymore of what might be the end of all these.
see? moving on is just like that, saving energy, love and happiness for a more worth-it love we are about to invest into.
so, don't give me that sad face. go to the world and show that you are a strong sperm your dad has given to your mom.
MOVE ON. MOVE FORWARD. a more worth loving person is waiting for you just right at the end of this tunnel. would you want to show him/her that ugly look? naah! you might just miss him/her. so MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BEAUTiFUL.
cummon, get up! don't make his/her waiting too long. he/she might get bored.
stand up. and go! <*i just push you on your back*>
when i ended up with one: HEARTACHE :(
even after i decided to move on, i'm still trying to do my very best to hold back my feelings, to forget and to feel nothing at all. even now, during the depth of the night, his face and his scent linger in my memory. he is still with me. his memories are still bugging and haunting me.
days go on normally but i cant go any further with my normal self. i'm still deeply hurt and i still am bleeding. i still long for him, still look for him in every corner. i still think of him and imagine doing things i could probably have done with him. he's still with me. his memories still linger on.
how can this be so hard for me to move on, and so easy for him to take me for granted? how can this be so difficult for me to wake up every morning, trying not to think of him the moment i open my eyes? how can i still feel this way even after saying goodbye? how can i still have hopes when everything else has ended? and how can i still love him even after all the tears i've cried?
damn it! so unfair! so imbalance!
i am left here hanging, still hoping for something that's far from possibility. i am still here, still stranded, waiting for the bus that will never give me a ride. i am still here wishing that he could be mine when i know he couldnt really be.
how pathetic! how foolish!
hopeless romantic. pathetic dreamer.
i hope to give my heart an ease. i hope to make it breathe. i hope to make it happy. i wish it has not loved you deeply.
i wonder if you think of me. i wonder if you remember. i wonder if you know how much i've cried for you, to ease the pain, to let it go.
i want to move on, but i'm still stranded. i want to laugh, but tears roll down. i want to dream being with you, but fear and pain hold me back.
fear. depression. regrets. happiness. sadness. anticipation. pain. excitement. cowardice. confidence. all mixed up but i ended up with one: HEARTACHE.
days go on normally but i cant go any further with my normal self. i'm still deeply hurt and i still am bleeding. i still long for him, still look for him in every corner. i still think of him and imagine doing things i could probably have done with him. he's still with me. his memories still linger on.
how can this be so hard for me to move on, and so easy for him to take me for granted? how can this be so difficult for me to wake up every morning, trying not to think of him the moment i open my eyes? how can i still feel this way even after saying goodbye? how can i still have hopes when everything else has ended? and how can i still love him even after all the tears i've cried?
damn it! so unfair! so imbalance!
i am left here hanging, still hoping for something that's far from possibility. i am still here, still stranded, waiting for the bus that will never give me a ride. i am still here wishing that he could be mine when i know he couldnt really be.
how pathetic! how foolish!
hopeless romantic. pathetic dreamer.
i hope to give my heart an ease. i hope to make it breathe. i hope to make it happy. i wish it has not loved you deeply.
i wonder if you think of me. i wonder if you remember. i wonder if you know how much i've cried for you, to ease the pain, to let it go.
i want to move on, but i'm still stranded. i want to laugh, but tears roll down. i want to dream being with you, but fear and pain hold me back.
fear. depression. regrets. happiness. sadness. anticipation. pain. excitement. cowardice. confidence. all mixed up but i ended up with one: HEARTACHE.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
and it really ended there
now, life at MSL-2B is once again back to normal: laughing without being conscious; calling everyone else by their names; shouting without thinking who might get irritated to you; chit-chatting with everyone else; hugging and kissing everyone; and feeling so free, so light, so warm.
that is all because, everyone else finds forgiveness in each one's heart. everybody is in love with everybody else. :)
friendship is restored and it's time to celebrate. now, now more hatred, no more anger, no more hard feelings.
HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. it's good to have your lost friends back. :D
that is all because, everyone else finds forgiveness in each one's heart. everybody is in love with everybody else. :)
friendship is restored and it's time to celebrate. now, now more hatred, no more anger, no more hard feelings.
HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. it's good to have your lost friends back. :D
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
year-end unforgettable moments with SRYCO
it's our last term this year. honestly, i was not able to do my best with sryco, especially during our fiesta celebration. but hopefully, before we finally leave our offices, we've done something fun and responsible this time. so, here are what we did last december 09.
CHRiSTMAS CAROLLiNG AT 69th iNFANTRY BATALLiON.
earlier this day, at around 1 pm, Kuya Joji, Rowena and i went to the detachment area of the 69th IB of AFP. Auntie Ayene suggested that we do christmas carolling to that place. well, just trying our luck. wait! the three of us were not carolling by that time! LOL. we just gave first our letter, asking for their permission regarding the Christmas carolling.
it was my very first time to be on that area. it's a bit steep. but when you reach the top, it's windy, full of trees, peaceful and so amazing! the sun's heat was scorching at that time and yet by the time we reach the top, the blows of the cold wind welcomed us and cooled our senses! see? if you have only been there you would have wished you live there. :D
enough for the wonders of the scene. we gave our letter. had little chit-chat with lt. santiago -- and he told me he graduated from UiC! ooh! just look how small the world is. the other guy also, i forgot his name, was a graduate of uic! so, i had pink-blooded brothers in the AFP. :D lt. santiago is such a nice person. he's the one who entertained us well. if you only knew how talkative he is! XD by the very end, we were allowed to have christmas carolling by 6pm.
the three of us then proceeded with our tasks -- kuya joji with the grocery and rowena and i with the prizes.
around 4:45pm, i already reached coog. i was so tired but a bit excited for the evening's christmas carolling. but how bad the timing is! we have just arrived from downtown and yet everyone was asking me where were the other youth when in fact i'd already instructed maybelyn capino to gather the youth, recruit for this evening's activity and if possible, have practice. but she never did her job well. i was so pissed off with her. Auntie Ayene already got mad. there was no youth around except us. worst was, they did not believe me when i say lt. santiago told me to be in their area by 6pm. she's always saying Auntie Ayene was telling her that we could no longer be allowed to enter the detachment area. blah. blah. blah. duh! as if there have been there for them not to believe me. i myself told Auntie Ayene that it's not 5pm that we were to go, but 6pm! with that, things were resolved. Maybelyn and the group went ahead. i was left, with the boys and Roselyn. good thing i was able to find boys and was able to ask them to accompany us. when we reached there, Maybelyn and the rest of the first group did their little practice.
it's good to be back up there. XD the military people welcomed us warmly. we did our parts very well. we sang christmas songs -- Filipino and Bisaya. we were even able to have a little chit chat with Col. de Mesa, the head of 69th IB. :D what an experience!
after singing, the group prepared food for us. Maybelyn was asked to sing. then later on, some of us danced and danced and had fun!
blah. blah with col. de Mesa and lt. santiago. after giving us the envelope of money (as if it's that big amount. but still, it's big enough for us), we all went home. and we ran! LOL. it was raining! :D
i hope to visit again their camp! swear, you would really want to stay there all your life if you have only seen the beauty of the place. :D
NEW YEAR'S PARTY && BEACH PARTY with SRYCO.
after having gone home from the 69th IB camp, i rested for a while. had talk with roselyn and rowena then went home and prepared for the mass. only ate janice and i went to attend the mass. the rest of my very good family stayed at home.
i was not able to sleep. i was so worried for the next day's activity. of course, it would be another long day for us. and if i would not sleep, that may also mean death. HAHA.
by 12 midnight, we were so noisy! as iin. i sang and sang and greeted everyone a happy new year! haha. that made me perspired a lot! :D
after that fun, i proceeded with my task - cutting letters for the back draft for the beach party. and since i was so damn tired, i took just a little nap to recharge.
and guess what?
i woke up by 4.35, to be exact! HAHA. good thing i was able to wake up! well, no one can blame me. pagod kea ako!
so it's january1. and all of us officers were so busy preparing for the beach party. phew!
it's almost 5 in the morning. and where were the other youth members? ??? don't have any idea. some still had their party out there. some were sleeping. and some, hah! they got lost somewhere else.
by 6am, the service from 69th IB did not come. well, they were so chuli. haha.
and it's almost 7am that we left our place. see how slowpoke the youths are? the assembly time is 5am and yet most of them came around 6am! SLOWPOKE X(
by the time we reached mervillas, there were only less people. most of us were so glad seeing less number of people there. hah! but just how funny it was! all the cottages were already booked and reserved! HAHA. soow unlucky for us! we reached there with nothing for us!
good thing there was still another resort with available cottages. so we went there. too bad we have to pay the entrance fee. and it was so unexpected. i myself did not expect it that to the point i did not bring any penny with me. LOL.
some complained. blah. blah. as if all of us expected this. and what? they wanted the org to shoulder all the expenses? hah! saan sila makakahanap ng outing na free na sasakyan, pati pa food and cottage tapos 35 pesos (+10 for the additional collection) lang ang babayaran nila? sineswerte din ang mga yun aa! as if naman madali lang pabayarin. sus! kelangan pa pilitin ng bonggang bongga!
and we settled peacefully. :D
by 9:30 we started our games. and as expected, some were so KJ. duh! di man lang marunong magparticipate. sila na nga binibigyan ng katuwaan, ayaw pa mag-participate! sus! kasarap talaga sapakin! and they even complained that the soundsystem we brought couldnt play audio cd! duh! as if i did not announce it earlier. but did they listen? NO, THEY DiD NOT! so, what i did? nag-announce baya ku ganiha bag-o ta nanghawa na dili na makaplay ug cd. ayaw mu pagreklamo dira kay in the first place wala jud baya mu naminaw and they shut up! hah! after all, my words were still powerful to make them shut up! =p
we played together. had fun together and we ate together.
i was not able to go swimming. it was soooow hot! it's as if i was being roasted! i slept a bit.
i salute rowena, roselyn, and ate mimi! they were not able to sleep, even a couple of minutes, and yet they were able to stand the whole day! waa. 24 hours of not sleeping! wooh!
and THANKS MUCH to JOJi GUARDAQUiBEL for being strong to stand almost 24 hours just for the preparation and for his strengths and efforst just to make this beach party a success. without kuya joji, that would mean slight death for my part. HAHA. but seriously, a BiG thanks for everything. :D
by 5pm, we got ourselves home. and during our travel, we had sooow much fun. laughing here and there. :))
i then slept and with that, my january1 experience was culminated (with myself asleep without taking a bath. LOL).
i hope before we leave our offices, we were able to give fun to our fellow youth. :D
CHRiSTMAS CAROLLiNG AT 69th iNFANTRY BATALLiON.
earlier this day, at around 1 pm, Kuya Joji, Rowena and i went to the detachment area of the 69th IB of AFP. Auntie Ayene suggested that we do christmas carolling to that place. well, just trying our luck. wait! the three of us were not carolling by that time! LOL. we just gave first our letter, asking for their permission regarding the Christmas carolling.
it was my very first time to be on that area. it's a bit steep. but when you reach the top, it's windy, full of trees, peaceful and so amazing! the sun's heat was scorching at that time and yet by the time we reach the top, the blows of the cold wind welcomed us and cooled our senses! see? if you have only been there you would have wished you live there. :D
enough for the wonders of the scene. we gave our letter. had little chit-chat with lt. santiago -- and he told me he graduated from UiC! ooh! just look how small the world is. the other guy also, i forgot his name, was a graduate of uic! so, i had pink-blooded brothers in the AFP. :D lt. santiago is such a nice person. he's the one who entertained us well. if you only knew how talkative he is! XD by the very end, we were allowed to have christmas carolling by 6pm.
the three of us then proceeded with our tasks -- kuya joji with the grocery and rowena and i with the prizes.
around 4:45pm, i already reached coog. i was so tired but a bit excited for the evening's christmas carolling. but how bad the timing is! we have just arrived from downtown and yet everyone was asking me where were the other youth when in fact i'd already instructed maybelyn capino to gather the youth, recruit for this evening's activity and if possible, have practice. but she never did her job well. i was so pissed off with her. Auntie Ayene already got mad. there was no youth around except us. worst was, they did not believe me when i say lt. santiago told me to be in their area by 6pm. she's always saying Auntie Ayene was telling her that we could no longer be allowed to enter the detachment area. blah. blah. blah. duh! as if there have been there for them not to believe me. i myself told Auntie Ayene that it's not 5pm that we were to go, but 6pm! with that, things were resolved. Maybelyn and the group went ahead. i was left, with the boys and Roselyn. good thing i was able to find boys and was able to ask them to accompany us. when we reached there, Maybelyn and the rest of the first group did their little practice.
it's good to be back up there. XD the military people welcomed us warmly. we did our parts very well. we sang christmas songs -- Filipino and Bisaya. we were even able to have a little chit chat with Col. de Mesa, the head of 69th IB. :D what an experience!
after singing, the group prepared food for us. Maybelyn was asked to sing. then later on, some of us danced and danced and had fun!
blah. blah with col. de Mesa and lt. santiago. after giving us the envelope of money (as if it's that big amount. but still, it's big enough for us), we all went home. and we ran! LOL. it was raining! :D
i hope to visit again their camp! swear, you would really want to stay there all your life if you have only seen the beauty of the place. :D
NEW YEAR'S PARTY && BEACH PARTY with SRYCO.
after having gone home from the 69th IB camp, i rested for a while. had talk with roselyn and rowena then went home and prepared for the mass. only ate janice and i went to attend the mass. the rest of my very good family stayed at home.
i was not able to sleep. i was so worried for the next day's activity. of course, it would be another long day for us. and if i would not sleep, that may also mean death. HAHA.
by 12 midnight, we were so noisy! as iin. i sang and sang and greeted everyone a happy new year! haha. that made me perspired a lot! :D
after that fun, i proceeded with my task - cutting letters for the back draft for the beach party. and since i was so damn tired, i took just a little nap to recharge.
and guess what?
i woke up by 4.35, to be exact! HAHA. good thing i was able to wake up! well, no one can blame me. pagod kea ako!
so it's january1. and all of us officers were so busy preparing for the beach party. phew!
it's almost 5 in the morning. and where were the other youth members? ??? don't have any idea. some still had their party out there. some were sleeping. and some, hah! they got lost somewhere else.
by 6am, the service from 69th IB did not come. well, they were so chuli. haha.
and it's almost 7am that we left our place. see how slowpoke the youths are? the assembly time is 5am and yet most of them came around 6am! SLOWPOKE X(
by the time we reached mervillas, there were only less people. most of us were so glad seeing less number of people there. hah! but just how funny it was! all the cottages were already booked and reserved! HAHA. soow unlucky for us! we reached there with nothing for us!
good thing there was still another resort with available cottages. so we went there. too bad we have to pay the entrance fee. and it was so unexpected. i myself did not expect it that to the point i did not bring any penny with me. LOL.
some complained. blah. blah. as if all of us expected this. and what? they wanted the org to shoulder all the expenses? hah! saan sila makakahanap ng outing na free na sasakyan, pati pa food and cottage tapos 35 pesos (+10 for the additional collection) lang ang babayaran nila? sineswerte din ang mga yun aa! as if naman madali lang pabayarin. sus! kelangan pa pilitin ng bonggang bongga!
and we settled peacefully. :D
by 9:30 we started our games. and as expected, some were so KJ. duh! di man lang marunong magparticipate. sila na nga binibigyan ng katuwaan, ayaw pa mag-participate! sus! kasarap talaga sapakin! and they even complained that the soundsystem we brought couldnt play audio cd! duh! as if i did not announce it earlier. but did they listen? NO, THEY DiD NOT! so, what i did? nag-announce baya ku ganiha bag-o ta nanghawa na dili na makaplay ug cd. ayaw mu pagreklamo dira kay in the first place wala jud baya mu naminaw and they shut up! hah! after all, my words were still powerful to make them shut up! =p
we played together. had fun together and we ate together.
i was not able to go swimming. it was soooow hot! it's as if i was being roasted! i slept a bit.
i salute rowena, roselyn, and ate mimi! they were not able to sleep, even a couple of minutes, and yet they were able to stand the whole day! waa. 24 hours of not sleeping! wooh!
and THANKS MUCH to JOJi GUARDAQUiBEL for being strong to stand almost 24 hours just for the preparation and for his strengths and efforst just to make this beach party a success. without kuya joji, that would mean slight death for my part. HAHA. but seriously, a BiG thanks for everything. :D
by 5pm, we got ourselves home. and during our travel, we had sooow much fun. laughing here and there. :))
i then slept and with that, my january1 experience was culminated (with myself asleep without taking a bath. LOL).
i hope before we leave our offices, we were able to give fun to our fellow youth. :D