STUPID, AGAiN and AGAiN.

so, it's another chapter of being the most stoopiid person the world has ever known. i really didnt know how things were, until i figure it out tonight.

just last february or march, HE had this girlfriend. and i didnt know about it. of course, how would i know. we have not talked to nor seen each other since december. and last april, he had the guts of asking me how i feel for him? he had the confidence of asking me that even though he had other commitment?

i really cant believe he made me so stupid, for all this time.

my point here is, he shouldnt have asked me that way if he doesnt have proper closure with that effin bitch. i mean, have i only been his option because he's over with that bitch? have i only been his avid admirer?

i dont really know how to put into proper words all that's in my mind. im so confused. so hurt. so mad. so angry.

all i wanna do is hit him so hard for making me so stupid!

THE LONG WAiT iS FiNALLY OVER

it's almost five months that we haven't seen each other. it was last December 24, 2009, the last morning of misa de gallo, that i last saw him. there were times before that i longed to see him. but i ask God to let me see him whe it was the right time for me, the time when i would be ready to face him, after everything. sometime before, i waited for him. but it seemed that desitny didnt permit me to see him. then one day, last April 30, 2010, i was supposed to go home with him. it was hard for me to decide if i should really see him or not. i waited for 5pm to come, of course; i might change my mind and decide to see him. it was almost 5:30 that i reached the terminal. and, just as how destiny works for us, we were not able to see each other. i did not bother to text him to wait for me or what. i went with the flow. and God really thought i was not yet ready that time. well, actually, on my way to the terminal, my heart was not at ease. it beat so fast. well, those times ended though.

just tonight, my elementary classmates invited us to have a simple gathering. just to see one other, have a little talk and fun. i was wondering if he would come. i was kinda hesitant though. but, on my way to Eddin's house, i was not really thinking of what might be my "meeting" with him. as in, normal. no worries at all. i dont know why. i was not even thinking if this really is the right time for me to see him. i just went there myself. period.

and yes, the time went on smoothly. i was not bothered by his presence. although there was an urge from me to hug him tight and say "hey! i miss you!" (that was during the spin-the-bottle time).

after going home, still nothing. although i was kinda confused. but, 95% of me says i might really be ready to get over him. and i think i am now.

well, GOOD LUCK to me and to my HEAR. :D

i hope to find peace and harmony for my heart on the coming days :)